ARE PROBLEMS OUTSIDE OF US?
MAY 2, 2021BY DOLREICH MAWLONG3 MIN READ1 COMMENT
There are two ways of looking at any given situation. Is it something in your control? Something that you can do something about? Or is it out of your control, something that you can do little or nothing about. When we face problems in our lives, we tend to blame other people or the circumstances; we think that the problem is actually out there. That is called the outside-in thinking, that environment controls us. There is another way of thinking, the inside-out, that we create our environment. This is not a new concept, for centuries people have consciously or unconsciously used either of these ways of thinking at different points of their lives. The self-help industry leaders have discovered, through deep research and analysis that successful people throughout history, have, in varying degrees been using the inside-out approach. Mahatma Gandhi was one such leader who always lived the belief of ‘being the change that he wanted to see in the world’, that everything starts from within. So we go out and try to solve the problem or try to ‘fix’ other people’s behaviours so they can behave and that will solve our problems. It may seem that the problem has been solved when people behave as we want them to but usually, the underlying problem still exists, because you may have used force, authority, emotional blackmail, shaming them. But it does not work that way. It’s like treating the symptoms of a disease and not eliminating the root cause. When you try to find out the root cause of why people behave the way they do, that is, the root cause, it will be clear to you as to what is the solution. When you remove the cause, the problem will go away. No smoke without fire right? You put out the burning fire, (the cause), you remove the (outside) smoke that troubles you.
People who live from the outside-in are easily irritated, disturbed, or emotionally reactive, opinionated and generally defensive. It is not wrong or right, it just is. When I say that a question is stupid it only means that I (a) judge others, (b) am focus on the outside world, (c) think that I am entitled to judge others (d) not focus on myself and (e) that I live from the outside-in approach. On the other hand, when you live from the inside-out, you will eventually notice a lot of benefits like you will not react to other people’s words or situations. You will be able to answer stupid questions with smart answers that are based on universal principles and are aligned with your values.